Drowning

Everyday, when I remember, everytime, someone calls me ugly, a bitch, or just a giant pile of shit, I feel like I'm just getting a little closer to drowning. Drowning, kinda sounds peaceful. Somewhere where there is no one to judge me, no one to bully me, no one to even make me feel left out, and alone. Because if I drown, there will be no one there, just me and myself. And I'll try to push back the nightmares i've had during the day, when I'm awake, for the past 11 years. I'm sick and tired of this, and sometimes I wonder how to drown myself, and would anybody care. 11 years, and I'm sick and tired of it. Am I really pregnet, like everybody says I am? Am I ugly, like everybody says I am? Am I really, just a big fat pile of shit, baking in the sun? Am I really what people say I am? I get more comments to say that I'm ugly, than beautiful. I get more comments that I'm worth nothing, then worth anything. If you say something enough, will it come true?
Drowning, where I am alone, and no one there to call me all of those things, all the stuff they have said in the past, as well as the future and recent. So, do I actually DESERVE to stay on this planet we call Earth, so do I deserve to drown?