Sorry I didn’t have enough time to do all of the story last night, it got pretty long.
So, that was elementary school, and now into middle school. Right before school started, I got glasses. I don’t think that really have to do anything with bulling though…
And so, I remember that I was kind of excited about middle school, hoping the bullying would stop. I did make a friend or two, but the rest of it got worse.
Before I made friends, I was very depressed. I planned of when I’m going to commit suicide, and when. I was so tired of living anymore, and I wanted to end it. I planned on swallowing a bottle of pills, on a weekend, as soon as my mom would buy a new bottle, I was going to sneak it into bed, along with a few bottles of water, and drink and swallow it all. Every single pill down my throat, and into my stomach, killing me, as I drift into sleep, and never wake up.
But the same Sunday that my mom bought a big bottle of Tylenol, was also the first day that I went to my church, the same church I go to now. I used to go to church when I was younger, but then one day we stopped, and then a few years later, we went to the same church, just once, and they tried to teach us Spanish. Which was weird because this is a United Methodist Church. Sing in Spanish, talking in Spanish, reading in Spanish, they even offered Spanish classes. So, we never went there again.
But the church that I went to, that dark day, the sun shinned through. I didn’t feel judged, but for who I actually was. It was different for me, and I liked it. So I didn’t kill myself, obviously. And that why my faith is so strong. Because I really do believe that God meant to do that for a really important reason, to save my life.
I remember that in choir, PE, and walking home was the worst, because that’s when they were bullying me. Because, you can talk sometimes in all those times, and I have to admit, I was kind of stinky, because at my house we have two showers, my parents and the downstairs. And I was the only person using the downstairs shower, because my dad took showers really early, my mom then took a shower, then while my sister is, I am taking one downstairs, and then my other sister would take a shower long after I’m gone, and she preferred my mom’s and dad’s shower, because it’s bigger and better.
And we found out later, after my mom and dad’s shower broke, that the shower head was horrible, and they fixed it.
But that wasn’t until the 8th grade, and so I got bullied for being stinky. I remember in P.E. girls would take some body spray, stealing it from one of the P.E. teacher’s office (she was a girl, and her office was connected to the girl’s locker room) and spray me, running away and laughing. And in choir, people were telling me that I should take a shower…. (even though I took one every day) And then while I walked home, same thing. And at lunch, the same exact thing happened as in elementary school. You would think they would grow up, but they never did.
But later into 6th grade, people started other rumors besides me stinking… I then had lice, fleas, I was also pregnant, and I slept with the janitor at Roosevelt's (my elementary school) kid, who was 17 and going to high school. Then, I started being friends with this guy… um… let’s call him Henry. (even though that’s not his real name) Okay, so then later after our friendship started, people noticed that we we pretty close, and thought that we should date. And you know middle school, once when they have an idea, they won’t shut up about it. So then after the months of people bothering us that we should date, we did “date”. But fact is, we never did, we barely even talked after we started “dating”, just to make the people shut up about that we should date, and to make them happy. So after that, me and “Henry” never talked again.
Also in middle school, I started helping with the special ed. One day in homeroom, (or I guess it was called TA then…) my teacher announced that if you like helping people, especially with special education, come talk to her after homeroom. So after the bell rang, I talked to her about it. And she gave me the instructions to go there, and by the next day, I was in there every morning before school.
There was 3 or 4 other people there, I was the only freshman. I miss going there, I helped get their coats off, and helped telling them the weather and getting them to the TV to watch the school’s news. There was I think 4 special ed. students, and only one could kind of walk.
I remember making friends with the teachers in there, all three of them. If they had donuts, yogurt, or coffee, they would share with me. We would joke with each other, and get to know each other. And I did this throughout 6th, and 7th grade. Unfortunately, I had to stop in 8th, because my home room teacher didn’t let me go help them. Which I never did understand, and cried for a few weeks. I knew I would never see my friends again, even though they were so close. I was forbidden, and I couldn’t help it. I still wish that I can go back into that same room, and see them again, show them how I’ve grown, and update them on my life, as they do the same.
Also in middle school, when I picked up my niece from her elementary school, the same elementary school I went to, sometimes there was a girl, called Jessica. She was one of my classmate’s cousin, and was one of the meanest people I’ve met. About one to three times a year in middle school, she would say something about my “pregnancy”
Seventh grade went pretty much like sixth, bullied, and crying. And then eighth grade came, and in the beginning of the year I got contacts. I wore makeup everyday, and did an attempt to look and dress my best, but everyday, I was called ugly, so after a while, I decided to stop wearing makeup, what’s the point if I’m ugly with it, or without.
Sorry I can’t remember much from middle school, I know there’s more than that, but cannot remember.
And so then I went into high school, and for a while, I thought that all of the bullying stopped, because the first month, no one said anything mean and ugly to me, they left me alone. But when I was picking up my niece, like I always do, Jessica was there. The same Jessica that has hurt me in all of middle school. Thank gosh I wore my sunglasses that day, because I cried. So she was standing about 5 feet away from me, talking to her cousin, who was my classmate, and also another one of her friends. She said, loud enough that I can hear her on purpose, she said, “Emily (Last Name…) is pregnant.” like she always does… but then she laughed and said, “too bad she’s too ugly to even get a guy!” and laughed some more. And when I didn’t do anything, she added, “and look at that pile of shit over there, standing there and not going to do anything about it” But I was crying, and didn’t want to cuss her out or beat her up, because one, this is an elementary school, and I hate it when people do that in front of little kids. And two, I just do not like fighting at all. So I did nothing but stand there, hiding my tears. And that was the worst thing anyone has said to me.
And there was a few more times that I was bullied in freshman year, and this year I thought the same thing as I did last, “This is going to be the first year without getting bullied” and then two months later, I got screamed in the face and got called a piece of shit.
I wonder how long will it take for people to stop this, to stop being big idiots and stop bullying. Will it stop next year? Will it stop when I get out of high school? Will it stop when I’m out of collage? Will it stop when I’m 40 years old? Will it never stop?
BAHHH… I’m a sheep 
